Inhale the Future...Exhale the Past

I have never been a yogi - I have a hard time letting go of my thoughts and being silent and zen and in the moment - but come to think of it, that's honestly what I need the most.  I am not very adventurous when it comes to trying new workouts either; my body responds very well to barre workouts. I feel strong and toned and fit without the added bulk.  I do love an occasional spin class though because every now and then I love a good sweat. But as I begin on this new adventure to becoming a health coach, I want to be more open to new opportunities, new workouts, new friends, and a new me.  So please welcome the beginning yoga student in me.

Last night I had the amazing opportunity to be 1 of 200 individuals practicing yoga on the basketball court at Madison Square Garden.  Forget yoga, As a born and raised New Yorker, I wanted to stand center court where the Knicks play!  Next event at Yankee Stadium please? Hell, I'll even do it at Citifield! I'll be the best yogi and travel to all the New York landmarks.

But, bringing it back, the event was hosted by Impact_Garden and Rebuild Globally in order to bring awareness and support to sustainability in the fashion industry.  Angelina Lindvall let the group in a 1 hour Kundalini Yoga practice.  This was my first ever experience with Kundalini and although it was not the yoga that I was used to, it was a new experience and I allowed myself to enjoy it and learn from it.

Kundalini Yoga focuses on navel activity, breath awareness and the alignment of the spine so that energy can flow through the body.  Alternating nostril breathing cleanses our pathways so that energy can flow completely and fully through the body.

I had a hard time with Kundalini Yoga but embraced the strength and energy from those around me in order to get the most out of this opportunity.  I am really good at following poses and understanding how those awaken the body, but breathing is a very hard activity for me. We held the breathing exercises for 3 minutes, which sounds like a short amount of time, but after 1 minute I started making to-do lists in my head.  I couldn't get out of my own head. I set intentions, I breathed, I moved my body, I felt the energy, but I also felt my thoughts. I felt them as they weighed me down and blocked me from moving forward with things in my life. I felt the toxicity of energy and relationships that I have and felt the damage that they are doing to my mind and body. I felt the aches and pains of work, family, friends, school and life holding me back.  I may not be ready to fully let go yet, but after last night I know I have to.

Part of the teachings at IIN are to focus on Primary Foods (the foods that are not on our plate) so that the food we do eat becomes secondary.  Primary Foods consist of *relationship *physical activity *career and *spirituality.  Once these are in balance, the food on our plate becomes secondary because we are already so full.  Honestly, this is the biggest lesson for me and I haven't even started classes yet.  My life is so out out balance right now and I feel it in my head and specifically in my stomach.  My flare-ups include migraines, digestive issues such as upset stomach, constipation and/or diarrhea, uncontrollable hunger, mood swings, dry skin, brain fog, muscle weakness and sleepiness.  These are symptoms that for 3 years I have been chasing answers to, and even though I know I have thyroid issues, mercury poisoning, leaky gut and adrenal fatigue, these issues always come up when one of my primary foods is not in balance (though I didn't know it at the time).  Since starting my preparation for IIN and reading about Primary Foods, I began tracking when my flare-ups occurred.  And more often than not it was when I was stressed in one of the 4 areas.  Most recently, the stress of toxic relationships is causing me the most pain physically and emotionally.  My goal on my journey the next year is to figure out who means the most to me and who will help make me a better person.  I need to let go of what is hurting me and stop worrying so much.  I need to listen to my body and know when I am hurting myself and the reasons why.

I think finding a practice of yoga and eventually meditation will be good for my body and soul because it will teach me to let go and to listen to my body.  It will help me to stop having negative thoughts, to clear my mind and to support my own strength.  So last nights practice, although it wasn't my favorite and I did find it challenging, awakened my mind to what I need most.  Now I just need the help to make the changes!

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Toto, I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore.

“No, this is not the beginning of a new chapter in my life; this is the beginning of a new book! That first book is already closed, ended, and tossed into the seas; this new book is newly opened, has just begun! Look, it is the first page! And it is a beautiful one!”
― C. JoyBell C.

The past few years have been a serious growing experience for me.  I have learned a lot, cried a lot, laughed a lot, worked out a lot, ate a lot, and loved a lot.  And although I swore last year I was going to continue documenting my health & wellness journey, I felt short of this goal.  I couldn't keep up with everything going on in my life and if I wasn't going to give writing my everything, I couldn't commit.  I didn't want to write only about what I ate, or only about what workout I did, or only about the funny thing my cat did when she chased the laser toy. 

But with this year, I have realized how much I have grown and how much I have to share.  So my new book begins today and I hope you are ready to join me as I write the next few chapters!

"Do not wait until the conditions are perfect to begin. Beginning makes the conditions perfect." -Alan Cohen

I guess I should begin where I want my new journey to begin...and that is with this - I have enrolled at the Institute for Integrative Nutrition.  My classes begin March 21st and I could not be more excited.  I began receiving information on the online school 2 years ago, but something kept me from signing up.  Whether that was timing, finances or passion I'm not sure, but this time I knew with my whole heart that the life I wanted for myself could only be created by me.  So I am headed back to school in 2 weeks to nourish my mind, my body and my soul.  At the end of the 1 year course, I will be a certified health coach.  Ask me what I want to do with that and I will tell you right now that I have no idea.  But I want to help people.  I want to guide people on their health & wellness journey and be a support system.  I want to motivate people to never give up and to understand that by eating the right foods, finding balance in our jobs, exercise and relationships, they will become the healthiest version of themselves.  Change is possible and I want to help people find their change!

I guess that leads me to the second part of my new beginning...for right now, I am no longer hyperthyroid with a diagnosis of Graves Disease.  My personal health & wellness journey began 3 years ago when my bloodwork showed that my thyroid was not functioning.  My TSH was 0.007.  Every endocrinologist that I sought for help told me that the only way to cure this disease was to remove my thyroid and then take thyroid replacement hormones for the rest of my life.  At the age of 25 I couldn't see myself as taking a pill every day that would act as my thyroid and I knew that I wanted to reverse my diagnosis through holistic wellness.  I sought the help of holistic and osteopathic medicine, kinesiology, acupuncture, herbal supplements, essential oils and whole foods and worked really hard to live a clean and well balanced life. 

For 3 years my blood tests still showed that my thyroid was hyperthyroid and I began to get discouraged.  How could I throw my entire heart and soul into living a healthy lifestyle without seeing the results? I wanted to breakdown; some nights I cried, some days I laughed, but I wasn't feeling like myself and I missed feeling normal.  I missed having energy, I missed not being overweight even when I watched everything I ate, I was tired of being tired. 

But last week, my blood tests came back; my TSH was 3.73 (normal range being 1-4), the mercury in my blood was completely gone and the mercury in my urine had decreased by 10, my TSI was 66 (down from 277), and my lose of bone had slowed down and now I was generating bone faster than I was losing it.  Just seeing these changes on paper made me realize how much I have changed in the past year. 

I still have a lot to work on, mainly my adrenal fatigue caused by stress and my leaky gut.  My digestion is still off - some days I feel great, other days I wake up feeling bloated and puffy.  And I can't seem to figure out what the triggers are - except most likely stress! Hopefully by enrolling in school and finding my passion in holistic health & wellness, my stress will decrease.

When I finished my lost Whole30 that I posted about in 2014 I was happy with my weight and size.  But in 2015, I lost complete control of my body.  I had gained 15 pounds and had no energy or motivation to work out. I was eating paleo, but was allowing myself too many sugary treats or gluten free entrees, too many nuts, too much fruit, and not enough self control.  I became depressed, I wasn't happy with the person I had become, not because of my weight gain, but because I wasn't happy.  I had been working so hard and was giving up.  But if I gave up on myself, no one would help me back up. I had to help myself. 

So with the beginning of 2016, I got back to my Whole30 lifestyle with limited to no added sugar, no after dinner snacking, barre workouts, spin classes and allowed myself to be happy. I spent time with my husband, my dog (oh yeah, Haley passed away last March - also when I saw a big spike in my weight), and my friends.  Since then, I have lost 10 pounds so my clothes are fitting again - I get to go shopping in my closet and just the other day I looked at all of my clothes and exclaimed "damn, I have too many clothes."  But last year I only had 2 or 3 outfits that I wore all the time with my larger, stretchier leggings because it's all I could fit in to. 

My body has changed, my mind has changed and my passion has changed.  I have seen how dedication, passion and hard work can pay off and I shouldn't doubt myself again.  I have seen what happens when I doubt myself and I don't want to go back to that person.  I choose to be happy and I choose to be me.

So with all of these positive changes, I have realized that I can positively influence others.  Which is why I have chosen to pursue a career as a health coach.  IIN is going to help save me.  It is going to push me in a direction that I never thought I would be working towards - who knew the girl smoking a pack of cigarettes a day, drinking from sun-up to sun-down, and never working out ever would be going to school for health & wellness.  I wouldn't have believed it if you told me this last year when I was at my lowest.  But here I am.

So welcome to my new journey and I look forward to this ride we are going to embark on together!