Inhale the Future...Exhale the Past

I have never been a yogi - I have a hard time letting go of my thoughts and being silent and zen and in the moment - but come to think of it, that's honestly what I need the most.  I am not very adventurous when it comes to trying new workouts either; my body responds very well to barre workouts. I feel strong and toned and fit without the added bulk.  I do love an occasional spin class though because every now and then I love a good sweat. But as I begin on this new adventure to becoming a health coach, I want to be more open to new opportunities, new workouts, new friends, and a new me.  So please welcome the beginning yoga student in me.

Last night I had the amazing opportunity to be 1 of 200 individuals practicing yoga on the basketball court at Madison Square Garden.  Forget yoga, As a born and raised New Yorker, I wanted to stand center court where the Knicks play!  Next event at Yankee Stadium please? Hell, I'll even do it at Citifield! I'll be the best yogi and travel to all the New York landmarks.

But, bringing it back, the event was hosted by Impact_Garden and Rebuild Globally in order to bring awareness and support to sustainability in the fashion industry.  Angelina Lindvall let the group in a 1 hour Kundalini Yoga practice.  This was my first ever experience with Kundalini and although it was not the yoga that I was used to, it was a new experience and I allowed myself to enjoy it and learn from it.

Kundalini Yoga focuses on navel activity, breath awareness and the alignment of the spine so that energy can flow through the body.  Alternating nostril breathing cleanses our pathways so that energy can flow completely and fully through the body.

I had a hard time with Kundalini Yoga but embraced the strength and energy from those around me in order to get the most out of this opportunity.  I am really good at following poses and understanding how those awaken the body, but breathing is a very hard activity for me. We held the breathing exercises for 3 minutes, which sounds like a short amount of time, but after 1 minute I started making to-do lists in my head.  I couldn't get out of my own head. I set intentions, I breathed, I moved my body, I felt the energy, but I also felt my thoughts. I felt them as they weighed me down and blocked me from moving forward with things in my life. I felt the toxicity of energy and relationships that I have and felt the damage that they are doing to my mind and body. I felt the aches and pains of work, family, friends, school and life holding me back.  I may not be ready to fully let go yet, but after last night I know I have to.

Part of the teachings at IIN are to focus on Primary Foods (the foods that are not on our plate) so that the food we do eat becomes secondary.  Primary Foods consist of *relationship *physical activity *career and *spirituality.  Once these are in balance, the food on our plate becomes secondary because we are already so full.  Honestly, this is the biggest lesson for me and I haven't even started classes yet.  My life is so out out balance right now and I feel it in my head and specifically in my stomach.  My flare-ups include migraines, digestive issues such as upset stomach, constipation and/or diarrhea, uncontrollable hunger, mood swings, dry skin, brain fog, muscle weakness and sleepiness.  These are symptoms that for 3 years I have been chasing answers to, and even though I know I have thyroid issues, mercury poisoning, leaky gut and adrenal fatigue, these issues always come up when one of my primary foods is not in balance (though I didn't know it at the time).  Since starting my preparation for IIN and reading about Primary Foods, I began tracking when my flare-ups occurred.  And more often than not it was when I was stressed in one of the 4 areas.  Most recently, the stress of toxic relationships is causing me the most pain physically and emotionally.  My goal on my journey the next year is to figure out who means the most to me and who will help make me a better person.  I need to let go of what is hurting me and stop worrying so much.  I need to listen to my body and know when I am hurting myself and the reasons why.

I think finding a practice of yoga and eventually meditation will be good for my body and soul because it will teach me to let go and to listen to my body.  It will help me to stop having negative thoughts, to clear my mind and to support my own strength.  So last nights practice, although it wasn't my favorite and I did find it challenging, awakened my mind to what I need most.  Now I just need the help to make the changes!

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Toto, I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore.

“No, this is not the beginning of a new chapter in my life; this is the beginning of a new book! That first book is already closed, ended, and tossed into the seas; this new book is newly opened, has just begun! Look, it is the first page! And it is a beautiful one!”
― C. JoyBell C.

The past few years have been a serious growing experience for me.  I have learned a lot, cried a lot, laughed a lot, worked out a lot, ate a lot, and loved a lot.  And although I swore last year I was going to continue documenting my health & wellness journey, I felt short of this goal.  I couldn't keep up with everything going on in my life and if I wasn't going to give writing my everything, I couldn't commit.  I didn't want to write only about what I ate, or only about what workout I did, or only about the funny thing my cat did when she chased the laser toy. 

But with this year, I have realized how much I have grown and how much I have to share.  So my new book begins today and I hope you are ready to join me as I write the next few chapters!

"Do not wait until the conditions are perfect to begin. Beginning makes the conditions perfect." -Alan Cohen

I guess I should begin where I want my new journey to begin...and that is with this - I have enrolled at the Institute for Integrative Nutrition.  My classes begin March 21st and I could not be more excited.  I began receiving information on the online school 2 years ago, but something kept me from signing up.  Whether that was timing, finances or passion I'm not sure, but this time I knew with my whole heart that the life I wanted for myself could only be created by me.  So I am headed back to school in 2 weeks to nourish my mind, my body and my soul.  At the end of the 1 year course, I will be a certified health coach.  Ask me what I want to do with that and I will tell you right now that I have no idea.  But I want to help people.  I want to guide people on their health & wellness journey and be a support system.  I want to motivate people to never give up and to understand that by eating the right foods, finding balance in our jobs, exercise and relationships, they will become the healthiest version of themselves.  Change is possible and I want to help people find their change!

I guess that leads me to the second part of my new beginning...for right now, I am no longer hyperthyroid with a diagnosis of Graves Disease.  My personal health & wellness journey began 3 years ago when my bloodwork showed that my thyroid was not functioning.  My TSH was 0.007.  Every endocrinologist that I sought for help told me that the only way to cure this disease was to remove my thyroid and then take thyroid replacement hormones for the rest of my life.  At the age of 25 I couldn't see myself as taking a pill every day that would act as my thyroid and I knew that I wanted to reverse my diagnosis through holistic wellness.  I sought the help of holistic and osteopathic medicine, kinesiology, acupuncture, herbal supplements, essential oils and whole foods and worked really hard to live a clean and well balanced life. 

For 3 years my blood tests still showed that my thyroid was hyperthyroid and I began to get discouraged.  How could I throw my entire heart and soul into living a healthy lifestyle without seeing the results? I wanted to breakdown; some nights I cried, some days I laughed, but I wasn't feeling like myself and I missed feeling normal.  I missed having energy, I missed not being overweight even when I watched everything I ate, I was tired of being tired. 

But last week, my blood tests came back; my TSH was 3.73 (normal range being 1-4), the mercury in my blood was completely gone and the mercury in my urine had decreased by 10, my TSI was 66 (down from 277), and my lose of bone had slowed down and now I was generating bone faster than I was losing it.  Just seeing these changes on paper made me realize how much I have changed in the past year. 

I still have a lot to work on, mainly my adrenal fatigue caused by stress and my leaky gut.  My digestion is still off - some days I feel great, other days I wake up feeling bloated and puffy.  And I can't seem to figure out what the triggers are - except most likely stress! Hopefully by enrolling in school and finding my passion in holistic health & wellness, my stress will decrease.

When I finished my lost Whole30 that I posted about in 2014 I was happy with my weight and size.  But in 2015, I lost complete control of my body.  I had gained 15 pounds and had no energy or motivation to work out. I was eating paleo, but was allowing myself too many sugary treats or gluten free entrees, too many nuts, too much fruit, and not enough self control.  I became depressed, I wasn't happy with the person I had become, not because of my weight gain, but because I wasn't happy.  I had been working so hard and was giving up.  But if I gave up on myself, no one would help me back up. I had to help myself. 

So with the beginning of 2016, I got back to my Whole30 lifestyle with limited to no added sugar, no after dinner snacking, barre workouts, spin classes and allowed myself to be happy. I spent time with my husband, my dog (oh yeah, Haley passed away last March - also when I saw a big spike in my weight), and my friends.  Since then, I have lost 10 pounds so my clothes are fitting again - I get to go shopping in my closet and just the other day I looked at all of my clothes and exclaimed "damn, I have too many clothes."  But last year I only had 2 or 3 outfits that I wore all the time with my larger, stretchier leggings because it's all I could fit in to. 

My body has changed, my mind has changed and my passion has changed.  I have seen how dedication, passion and hard work can pay off and I shouldn't doubt myself again.  I have seen what happens when I doubt myself and I don't want to go back to that person.  I choose to be happy and I choose to be me.

So with all of these positive changes, I have realized that I can positively influence others.  Which is why I have chosen to pursue a career as a health coach.  IIN is going to help save me.  It is going to push me in a direction that I never thought I would be working towards - who knew the girl smoking a pack of cigarettes a day, drinking from sun-up to sun-down, and never working out ever would be going to school for health & wellness.  I wouldn't have believed it if you told me this last year when I was at my lowest.  But here I am.

So welcome to my new journey and I look forward to this ride we are going to embark on together!

A New Year...A New Me...

I think that's what I titled my first post last year when I began writing, but I guess it's fitting for my first post in over 6 months. I stopped writing because I needed to find myself and not just write what I was doing and where I was going. But people kept looking to my writing for inspiration for health and wellness and I think it's time to pick up writing again.

As I write this, I am on Day 6 of my fourth (maybe third) Whole30. A lot has changed since my last Whole30 in May. After I completed the Whole30 in may, I went to Puerto Rico with Ryan for a much needed vacation and indulged on tostones, mofongo, yucca rice/beans, tortillas and dessert. But because I had just completed a Whole30, my health, my weight and my happiness was at an all time high so I enjoyed the food, the location and the rest and relaxation. We were extremely active on this vacation - we hiked at El Yunque Rainforest and went swimming in the waterfall, went kayaking on the bioluminescent bay at night, walked all over Old San Juan, went stand-up paddle-boarding and snorkeling and jet-skiing and swam every morning in the ocean.

After we returned, I did a Whole15 in August before we left for a trip to San Francisco. There I really indulged....crab sandwiches, peanut butter ice cream, clam chowder soup, garlic fries, basically everything that wasn't paleo. When I was on the trip, I was upset with myself for letting myself eat this way...I was bloated, red in the face and sad. But looking back now that I have had the time to think about it, I am so glad that I enjoyed the food while on vacation. It was a once in a lifetime trip with my husband and I shouldn't look back and wish that I had eaten something. All that I can do is do my best to prepare for events like this and then enjoy whatever situation I am in because it may never happen again. We were active on this trip too - walking up all this hills in San Francisco is the best booty workout ever! We also went hiking in Muir Woods and went on a 10 mile bike ride from San Francisco to Sausalito! And we're New Yorkers so we walked a lot except when we took the old fashioned trolleys! I did 2 Bar Method classes, one with the founder, Burr Leonard and my first ever Soul Cycle class.

 

After San Francisco I did a quick Whole7 to restart my healthy eating habits (see why I am on round four, but really I never did a complete round 3). Ryan and I have been eating completely Paleo since his first Whole30 in May. Both of us are so happy with this transition in lifestyle - we are so much happier, healthier and aware of the foods we are feeding our bodies. His transformation has also been amazing to watch because his workouts at the gym have been so much more efficient and his body has completely transformed.


The biggest thing that we did in October was Tough Mudder! I still cannot believe that I signed up for Tough Mudder but even more unbelievable is that I did it. I guess because I didn't think about it or train (which I do not recommend), I wasn't able to really think about what I was getting myself in to. But on a cold, windy and rainy Saturday morning in October, Ryan, my brother and his friend and I ran 13 miles and completed 22 obstacles together. We ran as a team, we completed every obstacle as a team, we worked together as a team and as a Tough Mudder team helping other individuals complete the course. We ran through mud, swam in an ice bath, jumped 12 feet off a plank, ran up a half pike, and ran through 100,000 volts of electricity...and we got a headband and a tshirt at the end to prove we did it. I had never done anything like this before and probably never will again but I have never been so proud of myself and my family for helping me complete the course. Of course I couldn't walk for 3 days after but it was worth it!

 

 

 

 

   

 

For Thanksgiving, my mom cooked a completely paleo meal which was so incredible to see how our family has completely embraced the new lifestyle and healthy eating habits. The only thing I did indulge on was the chocolate coconut cookies that I can never have just 1 of (I can't even have only 3). I did Bar Method Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday so even though I felt a little sick after eating so much, I made sure not to fall into a rut and let one cookie (okay, maybe 9) ruin my weekend. I could have sat on the couch and said "well, I ate 9 cookies yesterday, so might as well eat 9 more today," but I didn't and that is one of the harder parts of this journey. My only issue - Foldover the day after Thanksgiving for the second year in a row...really...you want me to go parallel to the floor after one of the biggest food holidays of the year? You must be crazy! Thanksgiving morning my brother and I did a 60 minute Turkey Burn Ride at Peloton.

After Thanksgiving, we kept up the Paleo lifestyle and I even stepped up my workout routine. Still doing Bar Method 4 days a week, I added in a lot of spin classes. I joined classpass which allows me to go to unlimited classes at select boutiques in NYC for the low price of $99! I love it. Swerve Fitness and Peloton have easily become my new fitness addiction. Only problem with spin, the amount of showering I have to do and I am running out of workout clothes each week but with the added fitness classes, I can't afford new clothes right now. Both Swerve and Peloton have an amazing team aspect to spinning which I never thought I would enjoy but I have become obsessed with. I hated spinning, never enjoyed being yelled out to bike on a stationary bike - where are we going? What hill do you see me going up? And why do you want me to add more resistance when my legs are barely moving anyway? And weights? You want me to lift weights and bike at the same time? This is ridiculous. But Peloton and Swerve have me going at least twice a week in addition to Bar Method. My whole family loves Swerve too - my brother goes to Swerve most weekends and Ryan comes with me to Peloton. If I can't get him into a Bar class then at least I can get him on a bike. I even got a few 1st places at Swerve which is so exciting

Christmas vacation was a little tough. I had off from December 24 - January 5 so I knew I wanted to workout every day but the food became hard to handle. Christmas Eve my family made dinner and everything was paleo except for the popovers and dessert. Well I indulged. Christmas Eve Ryan and I had our first Jewmas so after an amazing Peloton ride, we had donuts and my first bagel in over a year. It was from Essa-Bagel so it was special to me...when I was younger, my mom would wake me and my brother up every Christmas morning at 5am and take us to the Rockefeller Christmas Tree. It was dark outside and the streets were quiet and empty. After the sun started to rise we would go to Essa-Bagel and get the first batch of bagels hot and fresh out of the oven. So this year I introduced Ryan to that family tradition (there was a tree in the Peloton studio so that counts). After breakfast we went to see a movie and got popcorn with raisenettes (you pour the raisenettes into the bag of popcorn so the chocolate melts)! Dinner was Chinese Food (what else would you even think to eat during a JewMas). We got dumpling, egg rolls, pork buns, scallion pancakes, spicy beef and chow mein. And now, we're not done there...we had chocolate peanut butter Ben & Jerry's at home for dessert.

Well I paid for this meal the next day. I couldn't get off the couch. Every muscle ached, I was so tired that I couldn't keep my eyes open and I had a terrible headache. I ate completely Whole30 that day (when I was not napping). I made it to a spin class that morning but didn't leave the couch the rest of the day. Talk about a Carb Hangover.

The rest of the vacation we ate very clean except every night we had a Paleo dessert. My favorite was chocolate molten lava cake with almond butter crunch topping.

Tuesday December 30th I began my day with a 60 minute Dream Ride at Peloton. The class was focused on setting intentions for 2015 and less about resistance and how hard we were working. There was a percussionist in the room and the studio was lit by candles and the music was very motivational. I found myself crying, releasing 2014 and every worry and doubt I was holding on to and feeling lighter and happier. We filled out intention cards with I WILL, I CAN, I AM and I DO. It was a great way to end the year!

That same night I went to dinner with my girl friends at The Nomad. It was a special meal to share with my best friends because this is the hotel where Ryan and I stayed when we got married and the same owner of Eleven Madison where we had our wedding dinner. I indulged in the best food I had ever eaten and the best dessert. It was a very special night and I couldn't have been happier.

New Years Eve was like Christmas...donuts from DOUGH, Essa Bagel, a salad for lunch and pizza and ice cream for dinner. Ryan and I went to Comic Strip Live for a comedy show and came back and ordered in pizza and had Ben & Jerry's Milk and Cookies ice cream and a glass of sparkling cider. As soon as the ball dropped, we were in bed.

My workout schedule for the 11 day vacation was:

December 24: 6:30am Bar Method
December 25: 9:30am Peloton
December 26: 9:30am FlyWheel
December 27: 10:30am Swerve
December 28: 8:30am Bar Method and 10:30am Swerve
December 29: 10:30am Bar Method and 12:30pm Swerve
December 30: 9:30am Bar Method
December 31: 12:30pm Peloton
January 1: Carb Hangover
January 2: 12:30pm Peloton and 5:00pm Bar Method
January 3: 8:30am Bar Method
January 4: Rest Day
January 5: 6:30am Bar Method and 6:30pm Revolve Spin

January 1 was the start of our Whole30. We are doing it together with a lot of people from around the world. It is the largest site wide Whole30 and I feel excited to be a part of it. It isn't about completing 30 days for me because I eat very clean and have learned so much from my past whole30's but right now it is about resetting my habits. I hate needing dessert after dinner, or not being able to go without craving pizza and ice cream since I had it so often in the past 2 weeks. I eat well, I workout, but I need to recognize the habits I created after finishing Whole30 and how I have gone back to my old routines. I am on day 6 now and already have more energy and focus than I did during Christmas break.

I am so glad I pushed myself last week for double workouts and know that without those double days, my eating habits would have been worse. I gained some weight and I am aware of it, but I look back on the 11 day vacation and know that I had an amazing time with Ryan, with my friends and lived the final days of the year to the fullest.

Yesterday was the first day back at work, the first day that I woke up at 5am for Bar Method in over a week and a half but I am ready to get back to a routine, get back to my healthy eating and workout habits. I just miss the time I spent with Ryan and my friends - I feel trapped in my routine of working out early and then spending 8-9 hours at work and working out in the evening. It's hard to balance it all but that's part of the journey.

I look forward to writing again and seeing where this journey takes me!